Negotiations 101

Today's Learning Link begins a series on negotiations. Perhaps you are one of those who "doesn't enjoy negotiating." But the fact of the matter is that we are always negotiating in almost everything we do. Even deciding on a time for a meeting that fits both schedules is negotiating with a colleague.

Not negotiating is not an option. But it is a skill we can learn and actually enjoy. Here are a few simple guidelines:

Negotiations do not have to be confrontational
If both parties approach negotiations with a spirit of cooperation and willingness to engage in a dialogue about each other's needs, there's no need for confrontation. In fact, it can be quite an enjoyable process since both parties are trusting that the outcome will be mutually advantageous. The classic model that most of us have seen in negotiations is based on the assumption that if I get more, the other person gets less and vice versa. If we take that attitude, there's a high probability that one or both parties will become frustrated and the trust level deteriorates.

In any negotiation, both terms and relationship are important
If you are purchasing a new car, you'll be careful to get the best price you can since you will likely not see the salesman again. Since the relationship does not matter, the terms are everything. On the other hand, negotiating with your spouse about scheduling a weekend activity puts the relationship well ahead of the terms. It also redefines what "winning" is about.

If you think you have no power in the negotiation, then you have no power
Most of us are not aware of the power we have in negotiations. We assume the other person has leverage that we do not and therefore we are at a disadvantage. Sometimes this is true, but more often we do have things that the other person wants and needs and is willing to negotiate. Taking the time to openly discuss each other's needs instead of wants will help to level the playing field and reduce the confrontation needed for a win-win outcome.

Win-win negotiating is the only acceptable approach
If both parties in the negotiations are not satisfied, then the outcome is not acceptable. Both parties should leave the table feeling they got much of what they asked for, compromised as little as was necessary, and the eventual solution was a collaborative one sustainable over time. If you enter negotiations with the attitude of destroying the other party, you may win based on terms but you will likely lose (or at least damage) the relationship.

We will elaborate more on some of these key concepts in future Learning Links. But it would be valuable to hear your questions or concerns about the concepts above. Does it seem too soft? Does it fit your notion of "winning?" And exactly what power do you really have in negotiating with a colleague--or a spouse?

Send us your questions and we will address them in future issues.

What to do this week
Using your best questioning and listening skills, start any negotiations you face with a goal of understanding the other person's point of view instead of what you can gain. Be open in revealing your needs and attempt to understand theirs. The solution should then become obvious.