Negotiations: Coming To Terms

Negotiations: Coming To Terms
One of the problems in negotiations is: how can you preserve the relationship and still get the best terms possible? In most negotiations training, you're told to "go for the jugular" and get everything you can. As we have noted before, this can have disastrous consequences for relationships. If either party feels exploited, the relationship suffers even though one party feels "he get the best possible deal."
So how can we negotiate in a way that makes "terms" less of an issue? Here are five key points to keep in mind:

1. Separate the people from the problem.
In other words, don't allow personalities to dictate what you do or how you negotiate. Instead focus on the problem both parties have in common and how to solve that particular problem.

2. Focus on interests instead of positions.
Your position might be "I must have Saturdays off." But your real interest might be that you want to attend ball games with your son twice a month on Saturday. So if you state your interest, it is entirely possible that a mutually acceptable agreement might be adopted in which you work two Saturdays a month.

3. Generate a lot of options.
This is where most of us develop tunnel vision in negotiations. . We see only one or two options on the table and consequently we feel forced to choose between them. If we take a moment and step back from the problem, and brainstorm possible solutions--even crazy solutions--there's a likelihood a mutually acceptable solution may reveal itself.

4. Use an outside, objective standard to determine the solution.
For example, suppose I want to buy your car and you are also my best friend. It could certainly damage the relationship if I force you to keep lowering your price so that I can get a really good deal. However, if both of us acknowledge that the relationship is important, we can determine that I will buy your car and the price will be set by the Kelly Blue Book price for that model with those features. So, in effect, we have taken price off the table for the sake of the relationship, both of us feel the deal was fair, and we both achieve our interests (not our position).

5. You can be positive and constructive in negotiations even with the other party is not.
This does not mean making yourself into a "door mat." It just means you continue to attempt to preserve the relationship as you simultaneously seek favorable terms. It also means you reveal your interests early in the negotiations and you encourage the other party to do the same. They may not. However, by taking the higher ground you encourage negotiations that are fair to both parties. (If they do not eventually become more cooperative in the process, you have little to gain by lowering yourself to their standards).


What to do this week
Keep these 5 principles in mind in your next negotiation with a contractor, your boss, or your spouse. Don't deliver ultimatums but make every attempt to reveal your needs and interests and inquire about theirs. It is possible that this process will not work. But can you really afford to negotiate any other way when relationships are involved?